Saying I Love You

two wrapped in blanketSomewhere in the vague infatuation that launched our relationship, my Gay Old Soulmate suggested that we should make it a ritual to tell each other, “I love you” each night before we slept.

In thirty years of falling to sleep beside him, those I love yous have had many nuances. At times, we spoke them with utter gratitude for the unimaginable good fortune of finding each other. At other times, we forced them past gritted teeth. But when the words came with the most difficulty, that was when we most needed the reminder that, beneath anger or alienation, a commitment tied us to each other’s welfare and growth. We were not being hypocritical—we were being intentional.

At heart, love is not a feeling but a way of living. Continue reading

Lessons from Losing a Masterpiece

paintingThe oil painting above my piano reminds me of lessons I too easily forget.  Row upon row, the gray brush strokes, roughly an inch square, contain subtle elements of color.   The color comes from a painting I wanted to paint—and attempted to.  But the painting came from learning to let go of ideal notions that constrained me so I could allow experience to inspire something better.

Long, long ago, at a liberal arts college far, far away, a class of earnest, would-be artists, took a painting course to develop what they hoped might be talent.  They discovered that painting entailed more than standing at the easel wearing a beret.  They learned about color and line and to notice what wasn’t there as well as what was.  They filled sketch books to practice the art of seeing their world beyond the obvious. Continue reading