Somewhere in the vague infatuation that launched our relationship, my Gay Old Soulmate suggested that we should make it a ritual to tell each other, “I love you” each night before we slept.
In thirty years of falling to sleep beside him, those I love yous have had many nuances. At times, we spoke them with utter gratitude for the unimaginable good fortune of finding each other. At other times, we forced them past gritted teeth. But when the words came with the most difficulty, that was when we most needed the reminder that, beneath anger or alienation, a commitment tied us to each other’s welfare and growth. We were not being hypocritical—we were being intentional.
At heart, love is not a feeling but a way of living. Continue reading