Queer Labyrinth

labyrinth photoI move through the labyrinth on my knees, like a supplicant on a pilgrimage to a holy place. I pluck every dandelion, every blade of grass. Seedling trees and other wayward plants nearly obscure the stones that mark a path to the center. I must remove them, too.

Every spring the same exercise awaits me. I make my way, revealing the path, inch by inch and foot by foot. Where the moss threatens to envelope a rock, I pull up the rock and turn it over—showing another side, darkly moist but clean of moss. It sharpens the edges of the path.

In the labyrinth, clearing and clarifying the path take time and patience. All vegetation except the moss must go. Even the rocks may need to shift slightly.  Some need to be turned over or repositioned after winter’s frost and settling. Each stone helps mark the path.   I make the labyrinth my metaphor as my queer life turns, inward and then outward, perpendicular to and then parallel to a center. But as I follow the path, I trust it will lead inexorably toward a center. Continue reading

Wearing Cowboy Boots to Church

cowboy bootsI wore cowboy boots to church today.  Why?  I would not have been caught dead in them when I was growing up in Kansas.  I never even owned a pair of boots until country dancing swept the bars sometime in the 90s.  Then, as a gay man, I would not be caught dead dancing without the proper footwear for the occasion.  And I discovered that I liked the way they made me feel–masculine and sexy.  How queer that being queer would turn me on to what epitomized its opposite in my youth.

But why wear those boots to church?  Continue reading

At Sixty

Age 60“Then afterward, I will pour out my Spirit on all flesh;
your sons and daughters shall prophesy,
your elders shall dream dreams,
and your young people shall see visions.”Joel 2:28

Now I am ready to dream.  To rise out of visions.  To move beyond prophesy.  To live a colorful new reality.

When I was young, inching toward a door I did not recognize as the inside of a closet, I had visions.  Visions of a young preacher going home to Kansas.  Urban ministry was the cutting edge, or overseas development.  I would minister to the rural forgotten.  It turned out another way.. Continue reading

Sometimes

Hands in prayerSometimes, when we pray in church
sitting
with hands neatly folded
in our laps,
I want to kneel.

Sometimes, I want to raise my hands
and sing off-the-wall praise songs
—maybe even with a band.

But mine is a generous faith
that knows God embraces Muslims
and Jews and Buddhists
(without converting)
and finds it perfectly reasonable for
atheists to join a community of believers
Continue reading

Lent for a Queer Religious Radical

two gateway stonesWhat leads me to contemplate Lenten disciplines?  My religious heritage is Anabaptism—the radical left wing of the reformation about as far from high church as possible.  I didn’t grow up with it—indeed, my culture was suspicious of anything remotely Catholic.

My queer proclivities lean away from S&M—not that a cute guy in leather will turn me off.  It’s just that I’d prefer to take the leather off him and cuddle on the way to sensuous mutual play.

But my seminary training and syncretistic incursions of the liturgical year into my Mennonite tradition of late make me very aware that this is the time for ashes and spiritual discipline.  Continue reading

Four Themes in Gay Old Soul Living

As I become more and more a gay old soul, life’s challenges fall roughly into four themes: spirit, body, relationship, resources.

Candles

Spirit

After I first came out we dreamed of a fairy godbrother circle.  A sort of gay spiritual order with its own spiritual discipline to weekly:

  • Perform one action to nurture one’s growth
  • Perform one action to promote justice for others
  • Perform one action that is outrageously gay.

Continue reading