We,
who once discovered
in a flood that swept away
our self-hatred and alienation,
who now know that being ‘Beloved’
requires the rending
of all our sacred skies—
We,
who were driven into the wilderness,
who learned truth from wild creatures
and spiritual beings— Continue reading
My Gay Old Soulmate and I settle in to the company of older gay men, joined by younger companions. Why do I relax so readily in the sofa, unguarded? We are, in fact, just getting familiar with thse men. But though we come, in some respects, from divergent backgrounds, in others, we share a history.
The unfolding conversation confirms it. One man knows of the Rock River, up to its nude, gay, swimming holes. Another mentions a bath house, and we all remember the unfearful sex of the seventies. Then, a word or two turns us to more sober times, when the angel of death lived even more closely among us than it does today (or so we imagine). The musings and the stories–always the stories–continue.
This is more than aging veterans tiresomely repeating old battle tales. Continue reading
(compare Luke 15:11-32)
Growing up,
I was the good one:
choir, Torah study, youth group, prayers;
more confident in righteousness
than Paul in the flesh.
At home, too.
Chores:
did I ever complain?
Hated farming and dutifully trudged
to the south forty.
He skipped off to the creek;
thought Dad couldn’t smell
bottles buried under
camouflaging newspaper
in the trash.
Mostly, he was a real man;
Continue reading
“Then afterward, I will pour out my Spirit on all flesh;
your sons and daughters shall prophesy,
your elders shall dream dreams,
and your young people shall see visions.” —Joel 2:28
Now I am ready to dream. To rise out of visions. To move beyond prophesy. To live a colorful new reality.
When I was young, inching toward a door I did not recognize as the inside of a closet, I had visions. Visions of a young preacher going home to Kansas. Urban ministry was the cutting edge, or overseas development. I would minister to the rural forgotten. It turned out another way.. Continue reading
“He said to them, ‘Go and tell that fox for me, “Listen, I am casting out demons and performing cures today and tomorrow, and on the third day I finish my work.”‘” — from Luke 13:31-37
Oh, the impetuous abandon of youth. Early thirties is hardly enough living to have gained the fullest measure of rational realism. One sermon in the home town (that didn’t go all that well) and he takes the show on the road. I can’t deny the magnetic quality of his unstoppable zeal. How can a petty king get in the way of this compelling business of casting out demons and performing cures.
But what can a thirty year old know? I know that, given life expectancies at the time, Jesus was well into the latter part of life for a man of Galilee or Judea. But is that not the problem? Think of a society of people so young. Run by people so young! Continue reading
As I become more and more a gay old soul, life’s challenges fall roughly into four themes: spirit, body, relationship, resources.
Spirit
After I first came out we dreamed of a fairy godbrother circle. A sort of gay spiritual order with its own spiritual discipline to weekly:
Who are we? The gay old souls. The men who cling to “middle age” while our bodies nudge us into elderhood.
We are sons of the original gay old souls. We follow the generations that at first finessed the closet and then shattered its doors. In the wake of the Stonewall generation, we took up the struggle to create an out, gay culture. A defiant and fierce people, we sought full equality in all aspects of business, society, education and spirituality.
We are the survivors, the righteous remnant of a lost generation. We lost more brothers than we can bear to remember and can never forget.
And ours has been a generation of firsts. Fill in the blank. “First openly gay . . . .” We accomplished far more than most of us ever expected. So much that a generation follows us that has little grasp of what “it was like back then.” There seems no need for them to take up the struggle–at least in this country.
So what is our role? Now that the quest is nearly over? What is the purpose of gay old souls? What is our experience?
Age ought to bring wisdom. For me it brings mostly questions. But the journey still excites.