A Holy Picture on My Wall

barn


I dream a dusty path
where cattle obliterate the grass,
making their routine pilgrimages
past a looming red barn
through weedy green pastures
to a creek’s still waters.

 

I never lived here,
a generation removed
from where I grew up
playing town-kid games,
seeing fields and pastures
only as a wilderness for imagination.

Fence posts mark a corner
where a barbed-wire crown dangles
half-wrapped back upon itself,
and dense hedge trees with their own barbs
grow lime-green apples
as rough as a farmer’s hands.

Distant from the farm
as from the gardens
that bracket my salvation,
I dream it as a sacred painting
an idealized icon
shining on my path.

I frame that glistening dream
now foreign to my life
and hang it as a blessing
to grace my older days,
like Jesus in the garden
or knocking at the door.

Leaving Dorothy’s House*

shelf with missing itemsFor three days following her funeral
I have been desperate to be home
overanxious to putter in my own kitchen
to doze off in my own bed

Now the day to leave has come
My back clings to this mattress
stretching out the minutes
If we don’t rise, we won’t have to go

Her reflection fades already
in the transformation of this place
as we sort her things
deciding their fate

This house will not be hers again
nor frame her presence for us
Departing requires that someday
we come back to her absence

 

*My Gay Old Soulmate’s mother (my mother-in-law) died in mid-March. We had been gone from our home for a month and a half on various aspects of family business when she died.  An amazing woman, she had prepared us well and she was ready to make the transition from life and flesh. In multiple respects, we were ready to go.  But the reality that she is no longer there will come home to us for a long time.  I wrote the words above on the day we left her home in Kansas to return to ours in Philadelphia.