Retirement decisions still furrow my brow and clench my stomach.  How much in savings, assents, and retirement funds will be enough to live through retirement?  How much will we need?  How will we know that we have enough to take the step into retired living?

Retired friends urge me not to wait.  Do it now, they say.  Most of them come from a different generation. Their professions provided defined-benefits–some with COLAs.  They bought their homes early enough and rode the housing bubble high enough to pay off their homes with significant equity before they retired.

My generation bought homes later and saw equity shrink.  Our retirement plans are on the 401k model.  They rise and fall with the whims of Wall Street.  And despite politicians’ blind faith in “free markets,” I hardly trust Wall Street to give a damn whether I end up dying naked in an alley or dying comfortably in a “mature adult” community.  Recent U.S. budget and national debt debates, make clear that Congress and the President both will throw senior citizens under the proverbial bus before asking Big Pharma or ExxonMobil to settle for decent rather than exorbitant profits.

Friends of my generation mostly tell me they don’t expect ever to be able to retire.  It surprises them that my Gay Old Soulmate and I are seriously considering it.

It’s not that I hate my job, or that I don’t want to work.  I want to do something soul-feeding, community-nurturing, and more in line with our spiritual journey–without the constant constraints an 8-to-5-and-longer job places on those activities.

But can we go there financially?  I trust we can.  I’m terrified that we’ll discover we shouldn’t have.  That fear locks my feet to the present and keeps me from stepping into a better future.

My current spiritual challenge?  To envision possibilities that unlock my feet and then to take a step forward.